Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
