my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
