Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
