did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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