dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
