So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
look no pants
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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