I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
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