He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize