Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize