my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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