you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
