Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
