There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
