Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
