if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
