Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize