It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
