I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
