no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
