Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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