My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you would pick up someone in the library
i just sent this text using only my big toe
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize