Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Randomize
