You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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