So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Pants are for mortals
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
