My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
