names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
