Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
