my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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