i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
