This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
