just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
