Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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