i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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