she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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