i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
