my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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