when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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