I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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