I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
