I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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