I'm going to rape someone's good day.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
