...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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