If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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