Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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