Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize