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$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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