She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So apparently I’m into choking now
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize