I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
