Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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