It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
