you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
