When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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