quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
