i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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