I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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