I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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