I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
