I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
