I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
