no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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