I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
