She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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