i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
