Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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