what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
