did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
honey bunches of taint.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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