Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
