so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
