Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
