Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
