Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
