I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
