you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize