I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize