omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
