Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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