What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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