i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
