Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
