I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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