I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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