I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
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