After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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