I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize