Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
