My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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