dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize