Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
