You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
