i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
