also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
