I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize