Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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