I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm too high and old for this...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
