I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
