It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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