dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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