I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If I die, sorry about rent.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize