I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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