No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
