guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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