if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just want nice things and good sex
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
