As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
